Thursday, October 27, 2016

Chris Continues the Sister Location LP. I'm Surprised It Didn't Take 3 Months!

Hmmm, where to start? Let's go with Puppet Steve as that's what I imagine most of this post will cover.

On Monday, he posted a video where he reviews socks. ... I am not kidding. Well, he reviews a special edition Ghostbusters 2016 Blu-Ray that comes with socks. Is there a market for this?
In it, Steve said it was a good movie. You know, I shouldn't be surprised. Chris loved Pixels, and a lot of critics have noticed tonal similarities between the two.
He also says "it's the extended edition, which has more scenes than in the original" There's not enough "no shit, sherlocks" in the world.
The thing that sticks out most though is what he says at the start. "All this week on the Puppet Steve channel, we're doing Halloween items". So this was posted Monday, and one can guess from that line he'll be posting a new video every day. ... Seems Chris still can't keep his promises. Tuesday, nothing. Wednesday, nothing. Today, noth- oh wait, there is something.

It's not a product review, it's more of his Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location LP. Or his "JumpScare Reaction Gameplay" Seriously what is this?
Now kids will know the annoyance of Bores promising something, and never fulfilling it.

Last time, Steve fear quit after the very first obstacle in the game. I wonder if this is how Chris treats every game.
I imagine we'll see more after he looked up- I mean watched some other vid- I mean TOTALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET PAST THE BIDYBAB ON HIS OWN

"I'm going to beat this stupid baby once and for all" Woooow that would be some great "out of context" material.
"I guess I showed that stupid baby diaperhead!" Chris, kids don't say this. Quit taking tips from shitty sitcoms.
He succeeds.
"Ugh, more of the stupid girl talking" Your sexism is showing Chris.
 Steve puts together that Circus Baby actually knows what's happening. Welcome to narrative Chris! You get a cookie.
He goes through the Ballora Gallery. I think there's jump cuts at points.
And like a moron, he was moving around when Ballora's music was nearby and gets jumped. You're supposed to stay still! Didn't you listen to Circus Baby?
He skips right over finishing the gallery and moves right to restoring the power with Funtime Freddy watching him.
He fixes some, gets jumped, then finishes fixing them. But then he skips over going through the Gallery again, and skips over the second part of The Immortal and the Restless. You don't know what fun is!

When the HandUnit asks for music, he wants Justin Timberlake. Yeah I'm sure you're totally a Justin Timberlake fan.
When he gets Casual Bongos, he makes a remark about Pitbull. I've only heard a few Pitbull songs but I don't recall hearing bongos in them.
Onto moving through Funtime Foxy's hall. I predict a possible quit from this part.
He gets his flash beacon, which Steve thinks is a camera. Did he fucking say it was a camera?! No surprise, he uses it too much and gets jumped. Blames Foxy. Still in the habit of blaming the game I see.
Gets through Foxy, and onto the part where he needs to repair Freddy.
He removes the part from the chest module and gets complimented for it. "Heh heh, well I am pretty cool" No you're not. You're the opposite of cool. Nothing about you can qualify as cool.
I stand corrected, he rage quits on trying to push the button on Bonnie's bow tie, and he gets jumped by him three times. Well, at least there was no Zombie Steve.

Slight improvement as there's more commentary, but that's not saying much.

Over on Irate Gamer, he posted a Box Wars last week. ... Oh, there is something more interesting.
According to reader Rick Lee, Chris stealthily dropped the Irate Gamer Season 5 DVD on his store. Yeah, no announcement or anything.
Guess Chris wants to squeeze a few more dollars out of the few IG fans he has left.
Says it contains 10 episodes, which I imagine are DuckTales, Kid Icarus, Punch Out, Spy Hunter, Mega Man, Donkey Kong, Kung-Fu, Castlevania, Excitebike, and Duck Hunt.
No extras are listed at all. I would not be surprised if Chris lazily slapped it together with just these episodes, with no changes to them. More copyrighted footage!
The cover art, which is only shown as a tiny thumbnail, is absolutely abysmal. The top 3/4ths of it are the start-up screen from the Irate Gamer Game. Chris just loooves to milk that image. On the bottom 1/4th are random screenshots. Looks like the ending to Kung-Fu, Duck Hunt, and a scene from Punch-Out. Shouldn't these go on the back of the box? Amazing how he topped the laziness of the last cover art.

Do you think anyone will buy this? It used to be that at least one purchase would be from Shawn of TotalActionAdventure, but I just checked the site and it's gone. The domain lapsed. That's a shame, I enjoyed reading it.
Chris really needs to communicate better. Maybe then he wouldn't be included on a video about fallen YouTube stars made by someone that legit tried to help him.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Guru Larry Presents: The Untold Rise and Fall Stories of 3 YouTube Gaming Channels

Hello you! (oh noes, plagiarism)
Our old friend Larry Bundy Jr AKA Guru Larry has posted a new video going over how once popular gaming channels on YouTube took a major nosedive.

You can watch the video here.

I'm posting this as one of the subjects is Chris Bores himself. I also helped with some of the info.
You can also see how Machinima fell, and the complete obliteration of GameLife (now there's a relic).


Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Chris Finally Hops on a Bandwagon at the Right Time

Chris has always struggled capitalizing on popular trends. When Let's Plays were becoming big, Chris ignored them. Whenever a big game would come out, Chris would ignore it, or talk about it months later. All this only made it clear Chris does not care about games and never has.
I even addressed this in my last post, pointing out all the FNAF toy videos he made were popular but that he wasn't smart enough to play the newest game. I'm guessing he read that and got insulted because he just posted a "Let's Play" of Five Nights at Freddy's: Sister Location. On Puppet Steve. If Chris was smart, he would have posted this on the Irate Gamer channel, where he has more subscribers and more people that care about video games.
This also proves Chris can play PC games. Even if this game is one most toasters can run.

But yeah, another Puppet Steve Let's Play, or  rather... whatever this word salad title is:
Five Nights at Freddy's FNAF Sister Location Reaction Gameplay JumpScare Video Puppet Steve
"Jump scare" is two words Chris. 
The video is only 6:17 long so I'm not expecting much.

Steve is at his laptop.
"We're looking at the new Five Nights at Freddy's game, Sister Location, which is the sequel to the original" Right off the bat and we already have some Bores-level stupidity. This is the fifth game in the series Chris, how do you not know that there's multiple FNAF games? Do you think that every animatronic toy you looked at was in the first game? How is it so hard for you to do research?
Zombie Steve scene, he runs away.

We see the game, and in the corner I can see a Steam alert. The standard one that tells you how to access the community while you play. What happened to "I have no reason to be on Steam" which you claimed in your Gauntlet E3 video in 2014? Then again, that was likely a lie as I've heard stories about you using Steam to play Left 4 Dead. Either way, he's on Steam now. I doubt we'll see his username.

Here's a fun game to play. Count how many times he says "alright".
During the intentionally broken "name yourself" part, an Exit Game prompt appears. The hell? The editing also feels weird.
"What an idiot" It's supposed to be broken and call you Eggs Benedict. That's the joke.
 Steve tries to put on a tough guy act and say it's not creepy at all. Don't pull a DSP.

Going through the motions, being boring...
Zaps Balora, zaps Funtime Foxy. He calls Foxy a "he", but apparently this Foxy's gender is unknown as HandUnit calls Foxy "she" but the Angsty Teen voice in Night Two calls Foxy "he". So he could be right.
"Stupid Zombie Steve, this isn't creepy:" What did I say about pulling a DSP?
He beats the first night because obviously it's meant to be the easiest. He continues to pretend this isn't creepy. It kind of is, at least in terms of location. Off the bat you can tell something is wrong. The broken name input, the faulty electricity, Circus Baby not appearing, atmosphere is important Chris.

Wait, he skipped right to Night Two! Come on, aren't you at least going to watch The Immortal and the Restless? Eat some popcorn?
"I'm going to be an angsty puppet here in a minute" Your Irate Gamer side is showing.
Goes through the Night 2 zapping, proceeds to Circus Baby's room. "That guy gives me the creeps" ... Circus Baby is a girl. How can she even give you the creeps when you haven't seen her at this point? Your "riffing" makes no sense.
"Time to shock him" Chris really has trouble with gender doesn't he? 
HandUnit goes offline, and the lights go out. For some reason, the lights dim in the Puppet Steve cutaways. More IG is showing, the game effecting reality somehow.

He does the part where you hide under the desk from the Bidybab. He closes it, but then he doesn't try to keep it closed so the Bidybab quickly jump scares and kills him. When it cuts to Steve reacting, the lights are back on. Nice continuity Chris.
ZS appears with a "told you so" but Steve continues the tough guy act and tries again. He fails again. Then quits. Quitting after two jump scares, you really suck at this Chris.

Not only that, but this video sucks. It's really boring, Chris has no good commentary or jokes. He just points out the obvious and says what's he doing. Holy shit he really is DSP. Chris, why don't you try watching a whole bunch of Let's Plays and see how they do it? The way you're doing it with this and the Lego Dimensions video, you're not going to win fans. You're way too boring. Then again, you are Chris Bores.

Friday, October 14, 2016

Chris Exposes His PSN in a Crappy Lego Let's Play

You’re probably expecting some more Puppet Steve right? There is, but I have to level with you. These videos are kind of a chore to get through. They’re so redundant, almost formulaic. Steve shows a toy, bad jokes, “isn’t that right Zombie Steve?”, more bad jokes, barely talks about the toy, lame effects. There’s very little substance and it's nowhere near as fun as dissecting the Irate Gamer.

I’ll bring up a few things about it though.
He seems to have found success with Five Nights at Freddy’s. He made a bunch of videos about the toys and got a shitload of views. I do kind of question it, but I know FNAF is crazy popular so he might not be cheating. Maybe. I doubt he’d play the games though, he’s not that smart. You’d think with Sister Location he’d hop on that bandwagon, it’s clear he knows nothing.

There’s a video where he “interviews” Deathstroke, rather a Lego figure of him.  This is in response to the footage that Ben Affleck posted of Deathstroke in the DCEU. The entire joke is that he says “kill kill kill” a lot, and that he loves to kill. Making it VERY OBVIOUS that Chris has no idea what Deathstorke is actually like. It’s one of the worst videos Chris has ever made. Completely and utterly insulting.

He’s also begun looking at toys for Peppa Pig and Paw Patrol. What the hell is that? They’re shows on Nick Jr. Meaning Chris is reviewing literal baby stuff for babies. I can understand Minecraft, Lego, FNAF, that stuff appeals to all ages. Why talk about this crap?
Well, I took a look at his Twitter (yes there’s a Puppet Steve Twitter, it’s pretty sad) and I found a hint. He doesn’t follow many people, mostly Toledo-based accounts, Ellen DeGeneres and Jimmy Fallon *cough*shittaste*cough* and one called “Jazwares”. They’re a toy company that specializes in Minecraft, Terraria, something called Animal Jam, apparently RWBY (they keep retweeting Rooster Teeth) and Peppa Pig. Huuuuh. In fact, not only does “Steve” follow them, they follow him. Yeah, this sounds like a brand deal. Does “Steve” mention this is a brand deal? NOPE! Shady and scummy just like Irate Gamer.

The Puppet Alex videos are still alright. Chris’ stepdaughter at least sounds like she knows and cares about what she’s talking about.

Anyway, onto what I do want to talk about. A pair of videos about Lego Dimensions, and the new Ghostbusters movie. Now retitled Ghostbusters: Answer the Call.

Video title is still word salad nonsense. Ghostbusters New Movie LEGO Dimensions Story Pack 71242 Abby Yates Chinese Unboxing Review
Why just “Chinese”? Was there not enough space for restaurant? Get rid of “new movie” for 2016, get rid of the numbers, now you have space. Still hard to read though.

More copyrighted material. Does he not get content ID’d for this?
“Once we open this up, we find that there’s all kinds of pieces to put together” … This was a line that was said.
Apparently Steve has “puppet magic” and with the words “Alaka-Ghosts n Goblins” he puts it together in an instant. So just like the retarded Muffin magic from the start. Also, Ghosts n Goblins reference? Did you forget what channel you’re on?
He lists what’s part of it like it actually matters. This is just meant to go on the portal, it’s not a legit Lego playset.
He shows off the sliding doors, with Star Trek noises. Stop.
Then there’s a dumb bit with a greeter and a trio of Minecraft Lego. The greeter is actually Sensei Wu from Lego Ninjago, who has a figure for Dimensions. Yes, he has a bad accent. And then more bad accent. Blah…
The set comes with an Abby Yates figure (Melissa’s McCarthy’s character because she was sooooo memorable). “She comes in her brand new uniform seen in the movie” No shit. Of course it’s accurate to the movie why wouldn’t it be? Not to mention the new uniform is dumb with those stripes across the chest.
He makes her talk, and he didn’t even try to sound like McCarthy.
He shows off the Peter Venkmen figure. Yes, just remind us of the good Ghostbusters movie, that won’t hurt at all.
“This is a fun playset” It’s not meant to be a playset! It’s for the game! Uggh
He shows the real purpose and acts like this is an “extra feature”. You are so bad at this.
Then a dumb bit where the doors slide open and Zombie Steve pops up.
He shows off the new Ecto-1. That’s it.

Now, onto the bigger video. Puppet Steve’s longest video to date.
Ghostbusters Movie LEGO Dimensions Aldridge Mansion Level 1 Story Pack Letsplay commentary

Yep, he’s doing a Let’s Play. A 10:04 one meant to cover the first level of six (I am doubtful he will get that far).
I want to thank iDuck for helping me out with info about the video that I might have missed.

We got Steve with a PS3 controller in front of him. “Put the main figure on the portal” You don’t have to move it to the center, the spot it was on works just fine.
He starts the game, and he has to download the pack in order to access it. Is this a PS3 only thing? Pay attention to that download screen, I’m going to talk about something important after I finish the video.

He points out the crossover stuff (see, that’s a big part of the game Chris)
“This animatic comes straight to us from the movie” Wrong in so many ways. That’s a cutscene, not an animatic. An animatic is an animated storyboard made early in production. You made this exact same mistake in your Lego Marvel review. Also, how is it straight from the movie when it’s all Lego? I don’t recall the movie being Lego.
He decides to be quiet for the cutscene. Chris not vomiting out his stupid Steve voice? Perish the thought!
“Ooh Ghostbusters, this is going to be aweso-” and it cuts off. Nice editing Chris…
“Things are on fire? This is looking to be a great game” … You have an odd idea of what makes a good game. Plus, haven’t you already played this? It’s the same as all the other Lego Dimensions levels.
Another cutscene. Turn on subtitles!
This is boring…
He points out the Back to the Future Deloreon again, but somehow misses Velma from Scooby-Doo and Chell from Portal walking by. You have weird priorities.
But he does notice the Mystery Machine. … This is really damn boring.

So 3 minutes in and he gets to the gameplay. Normally I wouldn’t mind this, but it’s just so…. Blaaah.
He calls the studs “Lego Money”. Oh my god Chris, how many of these have you played? You couldn’t get that right?
“Get to play as any 3 of the Ghostbusters” Except Patty, don’t forget about her even if you really want to.
Okay so he builds one of the Keystone generators, and it’s clear he didn’t have it, so it cuts and he comes back after having completed more of the game. Well, I think that happened because… we’ll get to that.
“The blonde haired Ghostbuster” Her name is Jillian, it says so in the upper-left corner. Why are you so bad with names?
More awful jokes…
He’s saying “Alright” so much. More than he usually does. It’s really damn annoying.
I just noticed, the portal isn’t even plugged in. It’s supposed to light up. Just like how he never turns the controllers on…
There’s so many jump cuts, the other three Ghostbusters Dimensions characters appear out of nowhere. Use the other characters Chris, that’s the point of the game. It’s a massive crossover! Put the Doctor in there, put the Joker in there, do something interesting!

Oh he does put Superman in there. Still boring…
“Ooh another animatic” GAH!
A joke about floating books in his grandma’s house. I don’t get it…
More awful jokes… you’re not funny!
You know, I’m surprised Bores isn’t doing face cam. Especially since that’s what all the kids go for.
Not funny not funny not funny not funny… by which I mean Bores’ commentary.
“Ugh now we have to fight this painting” Seriously Chris? You don’t understand a boss fight? Lego Dimensions actually has them in every level!
“Who knew a painting could be so evil? Heh, well I did once you watch Ghostbusters II!” Don’t sound so smug about it Chris. Also this only goes to show how unoriginal this movie is.
Vigo reference, crossing the streams reference. Whatever…
Level 1 ends.
“Boy that was creepy, hope I can go to bed tonight” Even as a joke, you sound like a major wuss to get scared by a Lego game.

So yeah that really sucked. This was boring even by his standards. He clearly had no material. No energy either. You’re so bad at all kinds of videos. Just stick with editing other people’s material.

But, that’s not what I really want to talk about. Remember when I mentioned to pay attention to the download? Seems Chris in all his wisdom forgot to block out his PSN name!

Yep, we now know that Chris goes by “irate_g” on Playstation. Thanks to iDuck for pointing it out.
With this, we can see what games Chris has played on PS3 and PS4. Here’s a list:

*whistles* Look at those low numbers. Most of these he clearly only played for the show.
You can tell the ones he actually liked from the higher numbers. Ghostbusters 2009, Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe, Dante’s Inferno, God of War III, Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions, LittleBigPlanet 2, Batman: Arkham City, Lego Batman 2, Diablo III, and that’s where it ends. Oh, except for all the Skylanders games. His most “complete” is the first one, Spyro’s Adventure. It’s like once he discovered Skylanders, he gave up.

You can also see some notorious “reviews”. Brutal Legend only has one (beat the first level), Tekken 6 somehow has zero! He couldn’t past the first stage of Scenario Mode!
Green Lantern: Rise of the Manhunters only has two, didn’t get far. Lego Star Wars III only has two, also didn’t get far. He did manage six trophies in Mortal Kombat 9, but didn’t beat the game. Which means he somehow knew about Cyber Sub-Zero even though you need to beat the game to unlock him. He stole footage there didn’t he?

One big surprise is Sonic Generations with four trophies. He managed to beat both Green Hill and Chemical Plant stages, and then just gave up. Why did you feel the need to steal footage then? You’ve shown you don’t care about barely having any, so why this? It also shows you didn’t even reach the boss, meaning your complaint about being unable to skip cut scenes is an even bigger, fatter lie!
Transformers: Fall of Cybertron only has one trophy, beating the first chapter. My informant noticed in the review that he was in levels beyond that, but the trophy stats say otherwise. More stolen footage?
Resident Evil 6 only has three, but that’s not a surprise since that was a “same-day review with no script”. He did mention Dead Island in that review, and it’s on the list. With zero. Didn’t even get far enough for one measly trophy.
Disney Infinity only has one, so he clearly didn’t give that one a chance.
Tales of Zesteria has nothing. HOW? I’ve barely played the game (short attention span and all that) and I managed to get two in that short time. How did you get zero? Did you just put the game in the console and say “good enough”? More stolen footage? It would explain how he mistook Alisha for Ashley… actually no that still doesn’t!
Star Wars Battlefront at two. It’s so clear he does not care about video games, at least not ones made for older audiences, and by older I mean older than eight.

There are some surprises on here. He played both the first and the third LittleBigPlanet. The third has zero trophies.
He played inFamous and got three.
Duke Nukem Forever, yeah didn’t expect that. Only two though, didn’t even bother picking up the poo.
He actually did play DuckTales Remastered. Surprised at no review. Same with Lego Batman 3.
The newest game on the list is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutants in Manhattan. I would say he doesn’t come close to understanding the intricacies of PlatinumGames, but this was one of the lesser titles so I’ll let that one slide. However, there’s no trophies. You get one of the tutorial, some how he didn’t do that. What the hell?

The majority of these games are PS3. The only PS4 ones are Battlefront and TMNT. Goes to show how little he cares about games, he really just wants to do toys but even that he fails. Well, not in the eyes of the stupid brats that think he’s “soo kewwwwl” *barf*.
I wonder if we can find his XBL Gamertag, or his Steam account, or his Nintendo ID (though I don’t know if we can find what games he’s played through that, and no trophy/achievement system means we can’t tell how far he got).

Please do not harass Chris on his PSN account. You can point and laugh, but do not directly message him with crap.

You think he’ll ever post anything on the Irate Gamer again? Or is this going to be a Puppet Steve future? If that’s the case, it would be wise to inform the IG fans. I know you don’t want them, but if you want to grow, this is one major step. That and improving your writing and not resorting to pandering garbage. … Except I think the pandering garbage is working, at least with FNAF. At least try to make something that isn’t insulting. Something parents would enjoy watching along with their kids. That’s the best kind of entertainment. Not “well they like it so I’ll force myself to like it”. That’s the garbage that gets forgotten.

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Sorry for the lack of updates

I know it's been a couple weeks since I've posted something, and I know that Chris has been going full HAM on the Puppet Steve channel. I've just been busy, life gets in the way.

I'll try to find time to watch more Puppet Steve since Chris isn't posting anything over on Irate Gamer. In fact, he's erasing. Soooooo many videos are gone now, down to 299 on the channel. Hopefully things have been archived. What are you trying to hide Chris?

Also, to "Linda", I'm deleting all your comments because you're an annoying pest. Nobody here cares what you think. Go to InfoWars if you want to word vomit all your retarded tinfoil nonsense.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Minecraft Puppet Steve Part 3: A Tiny Glimmer in the 20 Foot Dumpster

In the last few days, Chris has uploaded a couple tech “reviews”. Again, more paid promotional crap. However, both videos started out with comments already disabled. Well, back to hold habits are we Chris? We are approaching your 10 year anniversary, might as well revisit the “glory days”, and that includes all blocking of criticism. The first video (about a fitness watch, like a cheap Fitbit) also had ratings disabled. The second video (which has a bunch of different items) has them enabled, and the fans don’t like it.
Also, one of the items is a Deus Ex art book. I didn’t know art books constituted as “tech”. Maybe it’s augmented? I doubt that’s the reason Chris included it, as that would mean knowing about that franchise, and the fact he mispronounces it as DOSE Ex instead of Deus Ex shows he knows nothing. Seriously Chris? Do you not know the term Deus Ex Machina? He really is hopeless.

Since that was a lot of nothing, here’s some more Minecraft Puppet Steve. Hoo boy…

Video #16: Pokemon Go Gameplay - Puppet Steve Plays (Training and Pokeball Capture) Pt. 1

You read that right, Chris Bores is going to talk about Pokemon. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.

Video opens and Zombie Steve is distracted by… I know it’s intended to be a phone but that doesn’t look like any phone case I know of.
Steve notices he’s playing Pokemon Go, he wants to play, ZS says no, Steve beats him up and apparently bleeds Styrofoam, or is that meant to be dust like in a cartoon fight (as seen here). This bit makes no sense. Does Steve not have his own phone? He does realize the game is free right? There’s no reason to beat up ZS for it outside of “I have no joke, the punch line is violence”.

Steve gets up and now he’s wearing an Ash Ketchum hat. I think that’s the same one from one of those Box Wars videos. Also, Chris pronounces Pokemon like Weird Al does in the song he made for the second movie.
“So Pokemon is the new app” You mean Pokemon Go is the new app. Come on Chris don’t be lazy.
Mentions how you can pick between boy or girl. Just like the games. I’d say I’m surprised there’s no “confused Professor Oak” joke, but that would require him to actually know anything.
Mentions customization. “How cool” You’re way too easily impressed. Also, this was early on when customization was really limited so it’s barely cool.
“LET’S PLAY SOME POK-A-MON” Holy fuck you are annoying.
So he doesn’t use the green circles, but he does use the green arrows to point out obvious shit. In this case, the three Kanto starters.
He goes with Charmander, struggles to catch him. More like he’s not even trying.
It breaks free… so bored…
“Now stay in your booger!” … What?
“Now he wants to know my name? Heh, what a dork” … How is he a dork for wanting to know your name? Are you retarded Chris?
Anyway, he types in puppetsteve, all lower case. Just do Steve you hack.
He’s out on the map, brings up the Pokemon around him. He lists them as Caterpie, Weedle and… Donald Trump. Uggggggggggggggggggggggggh.
“I didn’t know he was a Pokemon” Burn the fucking puppet. For the record, that’s meant to be Shellder.

He tries to find Pokemon by barely moving across the table. Obviously they don’t show up. Then he realizes you have to go outside. Oh no, now people will see the asshole that sticks his hand in my asshole.
He sees a nearby gym, but of course he’s not allowed as he’s only Level 1 not 5. Then it ends.

But wait, there’s more.

Video #17: Pokemon Go Gameplay - Driving Hack Gameplay (Training Battle Pokeball Capture) Pt. 2

Not liking that title…
This is also the longest video on his channel. 4 minutes.

We open on something completely different. Steve and ZS in a car. Which has a green screen road.
They’re driving around to play Pokemon Go. *sighs*
“Why waste your time walking around where you can smack into trees when we can just drive around” Where do I start? Driving while playing this game is frowned upon, it’s not against the rules, but it misses the point. You’re supposed to walk or bike like a trainer in the original games. That’s the whole idea. Evidence that Chris has no idea what Pokemon is like. Plus, walking provides exercise.
There’s a bit where he slams into a tree, forgetting that every time you open the game, it warns you to keep aware of your surroundings. I know there are some real morons that ignore it, but it’s there for a reason.

Apparently Zombie Steve is a terrible driver, but he doesn’t care because he needs to find his POLKEYMOOON. Can you say it normally? Just once? So annoying.
“Kepture” Yep, it’s Chris.
Then we get stock footage of a real collision to show ZS is a bad driver. Really charming Chris, doing that for a “joke” is so classy.
He runs across a Rattata, which he pronounces as “Ratta-Tatta”. I think I need a drink.
He catches it, and they move on. They find another Pokemon, and some more real life crash footage. This is in really bad taste. Like holy shit. At least use movies if you want to make this joke.
He comes across a Weedle. “What a tough Pokemon” … You are being sarcastic right? “Level 10!” Those are Combat Points (CP) not levels.
“This is my favorite Pokemon ever!” … Really?
Oh it’s a joke because he finds a CP14 Weedle. Yawn…
He mentions how driving is so useful. You’re not supposed do it while driving that misses the point.
He complains that he isn’t encountering anything, nothing for 10 minutes, runs into another Weedle, then runs into an Eevee. “Nothing is cooler than that” … Really?
Oh it’s another joke because he runs into a stronger Eevee. “Power level 25” It says ???, where did you get 25 from?
“A power 25 Eevee! The other one’s stupid now! Ack ack ack!” God you’re annoying…

He brings up Pokestops, showing the TMCC Community Center. Looking that up, that is the Toledo Muslim Community Center. Nice job giving away your location “Steve”. You’re totally not the Irate Gamer who also happens to live in Toledo.
He gets an egg from the stop. “I’m going to make me an omelette” Get the fuck out! No! Don’t cook the Pokemon!
He finds another Weedle, this one is stronger, I don’t care…
He gets to Level 4, and thinks he’s ready for the gym. Uhhh Level 5. Did you not pay attention?
He tells ZS to go to the gym, and we get one last bit of real car accident footage. You’re an asshole Chris.

These videos told us nothing about Pokemon Go. Just shows what a lazy twat Chris is, preferring to drive instead of properly playing the game walking. I mean come on!

Video #18: Pokemon Go SONG - LEVEL UP Puppet Steve! Gameplay and Fun

This is something completely different. It’s a music video with a song made by Minecraft Jams, another channel that’s part of the same network as Puppet Steve (and apparently Irate Gamer is part of that network now, that’s not suspect at all). There’s not much to say, half of it is footage from the last two videos, and half of it is clearly not Chris’ footage. It’s too good or has Pokemon too powerful. Chris is the king of half-assing things so I doubt he went this far.
Actually I think he did do a gym, as there’s footage of him challenging a gym at the Toledo library.
The song itself is okay, it’s certainly leagues ahead of “I PLAY POKEMON GO EVERYDAY! I PLAY POKEMON GO!”

Video #19: Teen Titans GO! Deluxe Six Pack Action Figures Set Unboxing Review - Puppet Steve

Oh fuck this show. I’ll admit I wasn’t the biggest fan of the original Teen Titans cartoon. Granted I haven’t seen it in years so it’s probably better than I remember it being. I just recall not being a fan of the faux-anime aesthetic. This show though, good lord. The characters are annoying, not funny, and the fact the writing staff is incapable of taking criticism that they’ve had to make multiple episodes calling out critics with the tired “It’s for kids” excuse, tells me this crap is not worth it. Why even have Weird Al play Darkseid? That’s not even funny.

Anyway, let’s see how Chris handles this.
“Teen Titans Go? Where are they going, to the bathroom? Ack ack ack! Ack ack ack!” Where’s my drink…
At least Zombie Steve doesn’t approve, delivering a stern “No!” Respect slightly gained.
“Let’s just open this and… Go! Ha!” Don’t laugh at your own jokes Chris.
He shows Robin, says he likes him because he’s the leader and he’s “cool”. Not in this show. Then some more egotism as Steve claims nobody is cooler than him while he wears sunglasses. Nope, can’t deal with it…
He shows Beast Boy, mentions how he’s the funny one, wants him to do something funny. IT’S A TOY! It then falls over and Steve wonders if that’s supposed to be funny. ZS is the voice of reason again and tells him “No”
Then Starfire, Steve calls her cute. She’s like half your age dude.
Oh wait he backspaces on that and says she has cooties. OH MY GOD! Are cooties really still a thing? Chris is showing his age. I guess this is the second clue that Steve is supposed to be a kid? The first was when he said his mom won’t take him to Sausage Party, but honestly I can’t tell. Is Zombie Steve older since he can drive? I’m so confused, your show makes no sense Chris. Why are you so bad at writing?

Then he shows Cyborg, and wonders what he can do. He uses special effects to make him fly. Something he can’t do in the show or the comics or anywhere else. Cyborg doesn’t fly! Some comic book fan you are.
Onto Raven. Or “Waven” as he says it. Are you doing that crap on purpose Chris?
Then a stupid bit where she teleports all over the place. What’s the joke?
Ending on Silkie. A character from the previous series that was given a bigger role here apparently.
Steve calls him little, Silkie acts offended, and then he gets crushed by a bigger Silkie. Enough with the fucking things falling on you! It’s not funny! It’s never funny! It never will be funny!

Then a really fucking stupid bit where Steve tries to ask Starfire on a date. Not enough tables to flip…

Video #20: Teen Titans Go! T-Tower Playset Action Figures Unboxing Review - Puppet Steve

Greaaat, more TTG.

He’s going to look at Titans Tower playset. Steve wants his own Puppet Steve Tower. Even Zombie Steve thinks that’s stupid. More egotism from Steve as he declares himself the coolest. Why the egotism? Just why?
He takes it out, wonders if there’s more, finds pieces, complains about it putting it together. Oh grow up.
He finds the instructions, looks at them upside-down. God damn it, are we doing this joke again? I guess Steve is just retarded as Marty. He also says they’re in “Chinese or something”, and after saying that a gong plays. Top notch stereotyping there Chris.
ZS yells at him that it’s upside-down. So wait, is ZS supposed to be the smart one or the stupid one? You need character consistency Chris! How are you so bad at this?

He puts pieces on the tower, including a rocket launcher. ZS presses it and it fires into Steve. Yarp…
He shows the Cyborg figure it comes with, he doesn’t like the face, and then he & ZS make the same face with “dun dun dun” music, and then he puts him in jail for making the face. Ugggggh this is stupid. What kids can enjoy this? *looks in comments* 11 year old kid that says he enjoys it even though he knows it’s for little kids. YOU ARE A LITTLE KID!
He goes over the parts that move, the trap door that makes sounds, this is the closest one of these videos has come to being a review. Holy shit
Then he brings up that getting the six-pack from the last video is almost a requirement because you only get Cyborg in this playset. Then a stupid bit where ZS somehow doesn’t remember reviewing that.
“We reviewed it yesterday!” Really? *this video posted August 1st* *last video posted July 27th* LIAR! Chris is bad with time again…
Then another cringy as fuck bit where Steve tries to ask Starfire on a date again, and Robin interrupts. Stop it Chris. Just stop it.
Then it ends with ZS somehow setting off the trap door alarm on it and it keeps going. Meh…

Video #21: Ghostbusters Metals Die Cast Action Figures Slimer Unboxing Review Movie

This was the most recent video at the time when I learned about the channel.
So yeah, Ghostbusters. This video was posted about a month after the new movie.

Steve does the “who are you gonna call” bit and Zombie Steve answers “Iron Man?” Back to being the stupid one…
Shows the figures. “They’re not in the new movie, but they’re in the old one” Weird phrasing, you could have just said “from the original”
First he shows Ray. Says he’s cool, and made of metal. ZS tries to eat him but hurts his mouth. Steve laughs at him. I roll my eyes.
Then he shows Egon. “Here’s another great looking figure that looks great all around” Dat redundancy.
He insults Egon, calling him a dork (and yet he’s the smartest member of the team), then calls the Creeper a dork. One’s going to come in and blow up you’re too fucking predictable. Oh what a shock that happened. If kids can see the jokes coming, you’re doing a bad job!

“Next we have Winston Zeddemore, oOoOoO” Why the “oOoOoO”?
Says it’s great… you’re really bad at this “review” thing.
ZS tries to eat one again. My head hurts.
Shows off Peter, which comes with Slimer. Music from the movie starts playing (I smell copyright flag).
He mentions how Peter has green on him because he’s been slimed.
“He’s been slimed by Slimer. I wonder if it’s bad as getting creeped by a Creeper?” Is that what getting blown up is called? Pretty sure that’s just called “getting blown up” Oh and surprise a Creeper blows him up even when he tries the “you wouldn’t hurt a guy with glasses” trick. Somehow Steve has magic powers because the glasses just appear on his face. EFFORT!

There’s also a Stay Puft figure he doesn’t have. So his slave Enderman gets it. I just realized he’s treating a black-colored creature as a slave. Smoooooooth.
“And boy is he one big heavy monstrous figure!” That’s nothing! Come back when you’ve got Fortress Maximus or Metroplex.
“He’s so big that his arms and his head moves around Exorcist style” Exorcist references, for kids! You’re a moron Chris.
“With all these ghosts around there’s only one person to call for help” One person? ZS guesses Batman, but Steve yells at him that it’s the Ghostbusters. The Ghostbusters aren’t one person. I know you want to be a one person Ghostbuster in real life, but you have to accept that ghosts aren’t real Chris. Your book is a sham. Your job at the art center is a sham. Everything about your ghost hunting career is a sham. That’s probably why you never bring it up these days.

The theme starts playing too. Less than 0% chance this can be on a DVD.
Steve brings up the new movie with “girl Ghostbusters”.
“But we don’t need action figures of them, we just need action figures of the guys because guys are cool” This is probably the closest we’ll get to his thoughts on the new movie. Some really weird sexism. I guess…
I think it was more to set up a new character. Puppet Alex. For those unaware, Alex is the other default skin in Minecraft, for female characters.
Something about Alex’s voice is oddly high-pitched… I’m sure it’s a glitch or something.
Steve yells at her that this is a “boy’s show”. Come the fuck on Chris! Don’t do this.
Apparently Zombie Steve let her in. Whatever…

Video #22: LEGO BATMAN, Puppet Steve / Zombie Staring Contest

Steve and ZS have a staring contest. … That’s it.
Then Lego Batman shows up to tell them they don’t have eyelids. You know, puppets are funnier when they’re treated as regular people, and not as puppets. Jokes about how puppets are different from humans aren’t as funny. Bringing up they don’t have eyelids isn’t really a joke.

This was pointless. Why give Lego Batman top billing? Oh right, terrible disgusting click bait. Gawker would love you if they weren’t deader than the WCW.

Video #23: Monster High Minis Series 1 3-Pack Figures Set Unboxing Review Mattel, Puppet Alex

Monster High? *looks it up* I see… It’s a line of girl’s toys from Mattel that feature the teenage daughters of famous movie monsters. Like Frankie Stein, the daughter of the Frankenstein Monster, Cleo de Nile, the daughter of the Mummy, and Draculaura, the daughter of Dracula. Does she have a brother named Alucard?
I got all this briefly looking at Wikipedia. Soooo what’s Chris going to do about this?

So Steve gets angry that he’s looking at Monster High and he can’t review girls toys. Why not?
Then Alex shows up. Her voice is still weirdly hig- … this is a little girl isn’t it? Likely one of Chris’ step-daughters. Oh god, child actors. As if this couldn’t get worse.
So is his step-daughter going to write the script or is Chris still in charge?

She lists some of the figures. Compares one to Elsa from Frozen. You know, I’d feel like a complete asshole if I mock her…
Oh wait, here comes Steve to interrupt. Now I can snark.
Oh, he just compares one of them to Coraline because she has button eyes. Meh…
Alex pulls out a checklist, notes that they also list the rarity. Blue skull = Common, yellow skull = Uncommon, but before she can say red skull = Rare, Steve interrupts to reference Captain America. Alex yells at him. Wow, she’s actually taking this seriously. More than Chris does at least.
She lists some more figures, but then a loud plastic sound overpowers her voice. Should have fixed that up Chris!
More figures. “I think the Ghostly Ghouls are ghosts” Yeah they are sweetie. It’s kind of in their name.
But then Steve interrupts again with Ghostbusters figures. “STEVE LEAVE ME ALONE” Wow, that actually sounded genuine.

Alex gives her final thoughts, her favorites, Steve annoyingly interrupts with the Duck Hunt Dog amiibo, and that’s about it.

… Wow, this is close to being the best video on the channel. We should have more Puppet Alex, Chris’ stepdaughter sounds way more into it than Chris ever does. I mean, she actually sounds like a Monster High fan, where Chris never sounds like a fan of the stuff he’s looked at before. Did she write half the script? At least the parts that weren’t stupid jokes. I imagine that by saying this, I am pissing off Chris to no end since his ego can’t stand being overshadowed. Like whenever I praised the Wise Sage. Admit it Chris, you’re not cut out for acting and writing, stay behind in editing.

Video #24: Ghostbusters Supply Tin (Walmart) Lunchbox/ Pencil Case Slimer Unboxing Back to School Movie

And we’re back to full Puppet Steve. It was fun while it lasted Alex.
More Ghostbusters.
A “back to school” item. Yeah I don’t think parents are watching since they’re the ones that buy “back to school” items. If they were, they would shut this off and tell their kids not to watch this crap.
It’s a tin case. It can either hold pencils or your lunch. Steve puts in a box of sliced ham, some cheese slices, a box of blue cheese, and a massive jar of pimento olives. “That’s a big lunch!” What’s the joke?
“I’ll pack me some marshmallows” As he puts a Stay Puft figure in. … You’re not funny!
ZS packed kidney beans, and Steve complains he’ll be farting. Yawn…

So the tin case comes with codes to get digital downloads of the original movie and the Real Ghostbusters cartoon. Steve tries to download it, but a fake error message appears saying it’s been used. Zombie Steve took the codes. Just use his laptop then. Aren’t you room mates or something? I don’t know…
You can store Ghostbusters figures too or something.
Then Slimer appears. Whatever it’s over.

Well, that’s quite a lot of videos. Looking ahead there’s more Skylanders, DuckTales, more FNAF, another Puppet Alex video (here’s hoping it keeps up), and something with Deathstroke that is just so… so… soooooooooooooo bad.

Friday, September 9, 2016

Apps & Boxes to Fund the Puppets

As Chris releases more "content" over on Puppet Steve, Irate Gamer is getting more and more neglect. Not today though, we saw two videos! And they're both obvious paid promotions.

First video is another app, and it's yet another "download shit to get rewards" app. I can't imagine Chris uses these after making the video, otherwise his phone would be a bugged up mess. He sounds so lifeless when talking about the app, like he's almost realized this is where his career has gone.

Fans HATED the video. A complete dislike majority, with only a tiny amount of likes. You know, I'm convinced. At this point, the Irate Gamer has become nothing more than a shell channel to funnel money into Puppet Steve. Until I hear about a real job that doesn't involve ghosts, I have to imagine that he's paying for all those toys by making all these promo videos. You're going to have address Puppet Steve at one point Chris. You're running out of fans. Then again, you likely don't care, you have new really dumb 7 year old fans that will watch any crap you put out.

EDIT: AHAHAHAHAHA! Looks like Chris couldn't take the heat and comments have been disabled. Going back to old habits now? Well, ratings are still up, and show the majority dislike it. But man, Chris really doesn't care anymore.

Oh and the second video is another Box Wars. Let's get into it. At least he put the timestamps in the description.

Starting with 1Up Box. The theme is speed.
- A shirt of of Pikachu dressed as the Flash, and he's being summoned by an Arcanine, and Pikachu is holding a phone because Pokemon Go. Stupid.
- A light blue Yoshi plushie. *thinks* Well I guess Galaxy 2 he can really fast.
- A Sonic the Hedgehog patch.
- A Flash mini-lanyard.
- And a necklace with the Golden Snitch from Harry Potter. Chris calls it the "Squidditch". Dumbass combined Quidditch with Snitch. Couldn't take five seconds to look that up could you?

Onto Brick Loot. Theme is traveling.
- A Lego Minifig of a Buckingham Palace guard. I'm surprised they got an official Lego product in there.
- A red phone box that doubles as a piggy bank. Lame, call me when it's blue.
- Snapos, don't care...
- A buildable Chicago Water Tower which is apparently exclusive to this.
- And a Mystery Defenders random box, yet he somehow knows he got Green Lantern as he once again claims to be a big fan of it. Why do I have trouble believing that? I know he talks about a lot, but he never sounds sincere.

Next is Loot Crate, which Chris has to remind us once again they're one of the more popular ones. We know! We're not stupid. Theme is anti-heroes.
- A Sterling Archer for President shirt. Is that an upcoming plot line? I kind of figured they would have to deal with Archer being dead and all.
- A Harley-Quinn figure. Quit trying to make her an anti-hero, it's not going to happen.
- Kill Bill socks. ... That is dumb.
- And a ceramic bank of Hellboy's fist. Why?

Doki Doki Box. Let's see how much anime stuff he messes up.
- A Homeroom Bear, which is a bear head that can hold change.
- A pencil pouch with a cat.
- Decorative tape. What is this?
- Stickers. No what is this?
- A notepad
- A pocky shaped pen. Chris calls it a "chocolate treat".
- A kitty keychain.
- And a t-shirt with bears on it.
- He also mentions how there's a booklet that tells you what everything is. Then why didn't you look at that before recording?
What kind of crappy box was this?

Pop in a Box, a service that specializes in Funko Pop fig- OH FUCK YOU! Get that shit out! No more Funko Pop! Burn it all! ... Sorry, if you've ever been to a comic book convention these days, it is wall-to-wall Funko Pop, it is obscene. You can't turn a corner without seeing a wall or a display, they were everywhere! How does Funko have so many licenses? Where are they getting the money?
- First is Blinky from Pac-Man. Why?
- Data from Star Trek: TNG
- Squiddly Diddly, an old ass Hanna Barbara cartoon. Okay now you're just showing off Funko, you have problems.

Geek Fuel is next.
- Some random Looney Tunes box, he got Daffy Duck dressed as the devil.
- A pouch for Pokemon Go players. There's cards for the three teams, but he calls them the gyms. Yeaaah I don't think Chris played Go after he made those initial videos on Puppet Steve. Why bother? No money in it.
- DungeonRift magnets.Who cares?
- A Suicide Squad comic.
- An Optimus Prime t-shirt.

My Geek Box, I'm surprised at how fast he's going through these.
- A Funko Pop figure of Black Widow as seen in Captain America: Civil War. BURN IT ALL!
- A Pokemon t-shirt showing pest control for Weedles.
- A Pikachu keychain.
- Captain America socks. What's with the socks? Who cares about socks? Just get white or black ones like normal people.
- A Mega Man print of Light & Roll looking over an unconscious Rock.

Something called EsianMall, I looked in the description for the spelling. It's mostly food, because of course...
- He lists a lot of the food and barely shows it. You know, Chris sounds really lifeless in this video too. It's like he doesn't want to do this shit anymore.
- Oh, and guess what, there's a fucking Funko Pop figure in it! Suicide Squad Harley Quinn. THAT'S NOT EASTERN!

Another new one called Mythhoard. All tabletop RPGs. None of which Bores will play because he's a phony.
- He lists them, I do not give a fuck. He doesn't even try because he clearly knows nothing.

NerdBlock, which is supposedly well established. Who gives a fuck?!
- A snowglobe of the Eye of Sauron from Lord of the Rings.
- A t-shirt of Jareth the Goblin King from Labyrinth, and once again he says it wrong! "Laber-ninth". Of course there's Linda and another white knight in the comments crying like babies. "WHO CARES? STOP COMPLAINING! PRAISE ONLY! FUCK YOU!" Ugh, you are awful.
- A Simpsons book from Mr. Burns called the "Handbook of World Domination"
- A hanging thing of the Back to the Future time circut board.
- Ghostbusters art.
- The "coolest thing" is new M.U.S.C.L.E. figures only with Masters of the Universe characters. Of you would care you 80's obsessed manchild. "Make sure you check out my I Rate the 80's" Because I'm never going to make another! PLEASE GIVE MONEY!

Onto Bam! Box. Once again no pointless jumpcuts. I think Chris is too tired and possibly apathetic to any of his "ZANY" editing.
- A pin featuring The Mask (the Jim Carrey one)
- A Hannibal Lecter mask. Apparently the theme is villains.
- A small box inspired by the end of Se7en asking "What's in the Box?" and there's a severed head. Chris tries act all scary and it's cringy as fuck.
- A Harley Quinn comic
- A Harley Quinn print "signed" by her. Yeah that's worthless.
- And the "coolest" item is a vinyl record of the Batman: The Killing Joke soundtrack. "How cool is that?!" It's not. You have shit taste.
He knows people have been using his links. Love all them kickbacks huh?
"I just know everyone is going to love it" You don't know anything.

ZBox. I'm starting to notice he says "cool" way too much. Open a thesaurus please.
- A shirt with iconic sci-fi characters.
- A World of Warcraft plushie, and to show how much of a fraud Chris is, he calls it "Worlds" of Warcraft. Come the fuck on!
- A pair of Alien figures with Ripley and the Xenomorph.
- And the "coolest" thing is a Doctor Who Weeping Angel bobblehead. "Very cool" OH god, I can't stop noticing it!

Finally, the ArcadeBlock. The box is shaped like an NES.
- A t-shirt of the Eye of Truth from The Legend of Zelda.
- A random Nintendo minifigure, he got Bowser.
- A USB SNES controller.
- A random FNAF minifigure, he got Foxy.
- And a Tetris mug.

Oh, seems there's another box from ArcadeBlock.
- A t-shirt of Chica from FNAF yelling "Let's Eat!" You know, for being shaped like an NES, there's way too much FNAF
- A Donkey Kong print
- Sonic stickers
- Super Mario ice cube tray. Why? These are so dumb.
- A Legend of Zelda journal.
- A random World of Warcraft minifigure. Looks like he got a higher-tier Orc. Sorry, my knowledge of Warcraft is very limited.
- A Toad air freshener. Oh hey, he didn't do the stupid "boy this really stinks" joke. Progress!
- A Legend of Zelda keychain
- A speaker in the shape of Mega Man's helmet.
- And we end on "the coolest item" with a Street Fighter sushi set.  It reminds him of something he'd get at E3. It's just a plate, with chopsticks. I don't think Capcom would be giving that way. You're such a retard, and I don't care if I'm offending with that word.

Time for the overall.
Fourth is Bam! Box
Third is Loot Crate
Second is NerdBlock
First is ArcadeBlock
More shilling.

I want someone to go through these and cut together all the times he says "cool". I swear, half the video is just that.
I don't know if I want to do anymore Box Wars. If this is the tone he's going for now, it's just so boring. He'll probably keep doing them as long as he gets kickbacks. But now it's clear he so doesn't care. Why care when illiterate kids will throw themselves onto Puppet Steve.

When I find time, I'll keep trucking through Puppet Steve.

EDIT: Oh and he got rid of the Wisdom Tree video. Hope someone saved it.